I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
