at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
