soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
