you would pick up someone in the library
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
