So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
