Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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