if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
well, you know. whores of a feather.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize