Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I believe in your delicious
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
