You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
