The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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