We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
