I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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