I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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