Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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