are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
