you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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