He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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