Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
