Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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