Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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