I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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