Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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