question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
