She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
