plz talk dirty to me
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She told me I should be a condom model.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
