I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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