having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
