she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
