mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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