You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
