worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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