Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
