After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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