I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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