he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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