I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize