so let's talk penis.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
