Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
