Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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