I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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