1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
