God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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