you would pick up someone in the library
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Everyone says I win the strip club
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
