Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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