I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
