things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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