just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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