apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
