making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize