i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
