So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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