the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
