I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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