this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
