Don't you send me to vm
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
