i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
