I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize