I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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