like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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