She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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