Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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