I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
