I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
