Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I am midnight drunk by noon
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
