And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
