According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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